| "fumbling hs confidence and wondering why the world has passed him by. hoping that he's bid for more then arguments and failed attempts to fly, fly. we were meant to live for so much more, have we lost ourselves? somewhere we live inside." -Meant To Live, Switchfoot i have lots of entries but unfortunately, its in my other pc. and at this point i do not have any means of getting it or accessing it at any point. well, anyway, since i still have nothing to do for now.. i thought i can come up with an entry.  i have started to break away from my shell last september 21. it was a big day for me.. well at least that's how i see it  for the longest time i think, i have been hiding. i have been trying to escape the pain, the hardships, the tribulations and persecutions. i thought, that was the best way, the Godly way, the way He wants things to be. i was wrong. for the longest time, i have been sheltered. well of course i have a house with a thick roof. but kidding aside, i have not tried to live in battle. i thought i was. i thought i was at the frontlines, fighting for God and living life the way He wanted me to. i thought i was fighting out of love for Him. i was fighting out of fear of the unknown. i read my Bible everyday, i pray at night, i hear mass every week, i serve in Gawad Kalinga, but i have always felt that what i am doing is incomplete. well, i guess at that time, that was the kind of fight God wanted me to have. but as i graduated, i realized, that was not at the frontlines. i was hiding behind a couple of rows of people fighting for God, our of their love for Him. let me explain further. i used to protect myself before. protect myself from getting hurt by not taking a chance on love, protecting myself from temptations by not going out with my other friends, protecting myself from the world where i do not belong by not going out of the shell i have created, a barrier where only a few people, where only people from my community can penetrate. lately, i have realized, with the help of late night talks with my mom, that God wants me to experience the "world" His way. yes, i am not of this world, i am of God's Kingdom. i am an alien into this world. but i am here, God placed me here.. in this "world". yes, our communities would tell us that we have our own world, we must live a different life, a life like Christ. we have to go against the flow. but God placed us here for a reason. yes, maybe its for us to change this world. but how could we dare to change it if we ourselves would not break away from the shell we have created saying that "No. i can't wear that, that's not what God wants." or "No. i can't go to that party. that's not what God wants." i think its just but right to experience the "world", with all its monstrosities and animosities, in God's way. how is that? go out, have fun, go crazy. but the challenge lies in the experience itself. the risk lies in the experience itself. how much is too much? when do we draw the line and say, "i'm having too much fun. i'm forgetting where i should focus.i'm forgetting who this is for." i have lived my life, not even daring to experience or even wanting to experience getting hurt. i have stayed in my shell for quite sometime. not realizing that getting hurt is part of the experience. God wanted me to jump off the cliff. He wanted me to fly and soar, with Him as my wings. but i just stayed at the edge of the cliff, taking one step backward everytime a strong gush of wind tries to push me off the cliff. i should just allow the wind to push me off the cliff and soaring and flying with God as my wings. will i fall? yes, i could. but the experience of being able to stand up and rise again is also there. and it'll make my knees stronger and it'll make my mind more aware of how to avoid those bumps and curves on the road that might cause another fall. has He spared me? yes. He did. but it wasn't by not making me feel pain or the hurt.. it was by making me see the beauty in such gloominess. it was by making me fall, allowing me to get hurt but making sure that i feel complete everytime i stand up. God is the greatest adventure. live IT. love IT. |
i hope it sounds okay though. anyway, here's the lyrics: